J. Weldon McBride

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Jolyon Weldon McBride is a former writer of advertising jingles and presently a messianic figure for the Righteous Church of the Unrevealed Truth, otherwise known as Opticology.

Backstory

In the aftermath of The Big One, McBride reportedly had a vision from an entity he refers to as "Zintar", who informed him that what he thought of as "reality" was a lie, and the only way to push back the veil and perceive the true reality was regular payments of $29.99, all major credit cards accepted, don't delay - act now! Since then, with the help of some very catchy jingles, McBride has become a multi-billionaire.