Cooper Malone

Cooper "Coop" Denham Malone (November 20, 1888 – July 5, 1962) was a director and explorer, most famous for discovering the Gwanji Valley in 1920. He became a celebrity because of his expedition in the early years of Hollywood, often credited as the "founding father" of the dinosaur craze of the era. His signature look was defined by his flight jacket, Panama hat, and (from 1920 onwards) the iconic dinosaur-claw scar that ran from forehead to torso.

Backstory

Malone was born in Tennessee but moved to California in 1907, intent on making a fortune through gold. He was undeterred upon learning that the gold rush had ended around fifty years before his arrival, but by 1910 had lost all his money on buying bogus treasure maps and paying for damages caused by his habitual bar-fighting. Luckily it was this year that the film industry arrived in Hollywood, and Malone was immediately smitten. His flair for the dramatic and head for wild ideas was just what early Hollywood desired, and by 1912 he was directing his own films after winning his own production company via an arm-wrestling contest with W. M. Enfield.

After a series of successes, both at the box office and with arm-wrestling Enfield, Malone caught wind of a local rumor of a dangerous cave system which sounded like the ideal filming location for his next picture. His expedition set off in March, 1920, with a full production crew and the intent to write the script on location. The cave system led to the Gwanji Valley, an isolated region in Northern California with its own unique climate and wildlife, including numerous prehistoric creatures which killed and ate most of the expedition. Malone was among the 24 survivors, and though he had led the expedition into danger he was lauded for managing to lead any of them back out again in one piece. Logs from the expedition give estimate that Malone personally killed over one hundred animals once thought extinct, with methods ranging from elephant gun to Bowie knife. One particular log entry, dated "June??" despite the expedition returning before the end of May, claims that Malone had "spent the afternoon bare-knuckle boxing with an ape-man at least ten feet tall, to the amusement of all present except perhaps the ape-man himself."

Malone made fifteen further expeditions to the Valley after his return, with his final three being made completely unaccompanied. After the United States entered World War 2, Malone bypassed military service entirely to make his own way to the Pacific Theater as an independent agent. He was absent from Hollywood until 1947, having been shipwrecked and only able to sail back to California after single-handedly repairing a lost pirate galleon. He had intended to use the galleon in the war, having discovered how to make gunpowder out of coconuts and squeezed seagulls, but by the time the vessel was seaworthy the war had been over for eight months.

His sense of adventure had not been lost, however, with him sending strongly-worded letters to the Hollywood Space Administration throughout the early 1950s, demanding that they put him on the moon "to fight some moon-men." His requests were declined, with HSA Administrator Thaddeus Finckenstein stating in 1955 that he would "beat the living tar out of [Malone's] hat-wearing ass" himself. Whether the two men actually fought is unknown, but they were regular drinking companions in the years to follow.

Death

Malone died during the Invasion of Hollywood at age 74, succumbing to a combination of alcohol poisoning and blood loss after a successful knife-fight with an unknown alien commander. It is believed that Malone had not accounted for his advanced age when choosing to down half a bottle of double malt whiskey in celebration rather than seek medical attention, with his last experience knife-fighting being as a much younger man of 66. Close friends, old lovers, and illegitimate children all agreed that it was only fitting that Malone's confidence had killed him, since it had spent seven decades keeping him alive up until this point.

His remains are currently interred at Valhalla Field Cemetery in Marble Park, along with several maps of unknown origin and approximately $150 million in miscellaneous treasures, as per his last will and testament.